And I thought I did not care anymore

Losing friends is one of my worst experiences, specially when there is no specific reason for losing them. Four years ago I lost N, a close friend of mine from school. N and I had been friends (or shall I say sisters) for almost nine years. After school I did not meet N regularly but we kept in touch through the phone.

One day our school arranged a reunion party and I was so excited, I called N and told her I would go to the party and asked her if she was coming. N replied that she was not going to the party and when I asked her why she wouldn't come she said she did not feel like going to this party. I kept telling her that I had not seen her for a while and I thought the party would be a good chance to see her and gather with our old friends but she told me she would think about it.

In the party I kept waiting for N to show up but she never did. I tried to find an explanation for that but I could not, a few days after the party I decided to call N and tell her that the party was nice and I wished she had come. N apologized coldly for not showing up so I jokingly told her that everyone was there except for the SILLY ones. And that was the last time I hear anything from N. Ever since then she never answered my calls and whenever I called her at home I was told that she was not there and she never called me back.

I kept searching for an answer or an explanation to N's behavior, but I could not. I thought that she might have changed her beliefs, her lifestyle and thought that our friendship did not suit her anymore and I respected her wish. N never talked to me or any of our friends from school, she simply dropped us all from her life. Four years have passed and nobody knew anything about N. I try hardly not to think about her again but whenever I remeber anything from school N pops up on my mind and my eyes are filled with tears.

Three weeks ago, some girls from school who found each other on Facebook arranged a reunion outing. A friend of mine sent me an sms telling me about the outing and asked me if I would come, I told her I would not be in Cairo and apologized for not coming. I really wished I could make it to the outing as I wanted to meet the girls so badly. When I came back I asked my friend about the outing and she told me they had much fun and she wished I could make it, she also told me to check the photos on Facebook.

When I checked the photos I was surprised to find N with the girls. How did she know about the outing? What made her join this reunion? Did she know I was invited? Or did she join because she knew I would not be there? Did she ask them about me? Does this mean that she wants to be friends with us again? I kept asking myself these questions but could not find answers to any of them.

A week later I was again surprised when I found the "N has added you as a friend on Facebook" email in my inbox. What the heck does this mean? Does N want to be friends with me again? Is it that simple to go in and out of my life without explanations as if it were a public park? Does she regret cutting me out her life for no reason? I really don't know. Till now I can't confirm N as a friend on Facebook. I guess it requires more than a Facebook invitation to forgive N. I am not even sure that I am able to forgive her and resume our friendship after all these years.