Me, Myself and 2007

2007: Hey there!
Me: Hey…… I heard you’re leaving soon

2007: Yes, I came to say goodbye and have a little talk with you
Me: Sure thing

2007: Do you think I was a good company?
Me: mmmm…I am afraid you were not

2007: How could you say this?……I wasted every single day of mine on you
Me: Okay let me remind you. Remember last February, my sister’s breakup with G. Remember how her heart was broken and how my family had a sad time?

2007: I do remember, but after a couple of weeks you were promoted to a team lead position which was a kind of a cheer up for you and your family
Me: That’s true but then I started facing problems with my team and I really had a hard time

2007: And you were able to solve them and gain everybody’s trust and appreciation
Me: Do you think you got me? I will think of something better. Remember my birthday?

2007 (covering her face): I thought you forgot about it
Me: How could I forget my worst birthday ever? A 50 degrees temperature, a sandy storm and all my friends going to Alex

2007: This was not a big deal I guess; you usually don’t enjoy your birthdays anyway
Me: Okay, okay I still have more against you. Remember when my friend S traveled on business for six weeks and how I felt lonely

2007: But you decided to create your blog in order to compensate for your loneliness
Me: I guess you’re right; I wouldn’t have the guts to create this blog if S hadn’t traveled. I missed my chats with S so much but I also found a relief in my blog

2007: I think you were a bit harsh when you said you did not enjoy my company
Me: No I wasn’t, it seems you have a bad memory. Remember my father’s cataract surgery and how I was so worried about him? Remember aunt’s T death? Does this sound fun to you?

2007: Come on, your father surgery was a simple one and you know how much your aunt suffered as being an Alzheimer patient
Me: I almost forgot this one, remember K?

2007: Jeeez, I thought you’ll never mention this one
Me: I can’t help mentioning it. Do you expect me to forget about the ------- [insert a bad word here] who broke my friend’s heart? How can I forget her grief and misery after she discovered that he had been lying to her for two years? How can I forget my friend’s state of astonishment and the many whys she kept asking herself?

2007: I thought this conversation was about US
Me: It is, don’t you think that I must have affected by my friend’s sadness? Don’t you know how I blamed and I am still blaming myself for all this? Don’t you know how I feel guilty for not warning her about K from the very start? Don’t you know that I blame myself every day on not disclosing my doubts and fears to her months ago?

2007: Well although it has been a bitter experience for your friend I guess she has learnt many lessons. She will never trust anyone with her feelings till she makes sure they deserve such trust. She will not wear her heart on her sleeve anymore
Me: I’m sure she will

2007: Do you have anything else to blame on me?
Me: There’s one more thing but I won’t say it

2007: Well I guess I’m smart enough to guess
Me: I’ve been talking too much about myself for a while now, your turn

2007: A good approach to change the subject, what do you want to know about me?
Me: What are you supposed to do after you leave?

2007: Well I go visit my sisters and my father
Me: I guess I met your older sisters but who’s your father

2007: History
Me: I see, I guess after you leave you start telling him millions of stories

2007: Sort of
Me: Listen, perhaps you were not a bad company after all. I really enjoyed last Thursday with my friends, it was a perfect day. I am also happy I got daddy’s car, I really love this car.

2007: Oh my God, I’m flattered. I guess its time to say goodbye
Me: So soon, we still have one more week

2007: I prefer to do my goodbyes a bit early, need to rest and pack
Me: Okay goodbye, it was a pleasure talking to you. May I ask you a little favor?

2007: Sure thing
Me: would you ask your younger sister aka 2008 to bring an ice breaker with her?

2007(winking): I will…..anything else?
Me: No thanks, goodbye 20072007: Goodbye Sue

Kooky and Moody

Kooky and Moody are two two brothers who live in my building, Kooky is almost 20 years old while Moody is almost 8 years old. Kooky used to be a spoilt brat. I have to say that it was his mother (who I am actually writing this post about) who spoilt him; she, like many careless mothers, did not teach him discipline and allowed him to do whatever he wanted. Ten years ago I usually heard such a conversation between Kooky and his mom.

Mom (standing in the balcony): Koooookyyyyyyyyyy
Kooky: aywa ya mama (yes mom)
Mom: 2etla3a ba2a el sa3a (come back home its late).....(usually after 11 PM)
Kooky: bla bla bla (asking her to stay with his friends for a while)
Mom: ba2olk 2etla3 (I said come back home)

They kept arguing for a while, till Kooky was forced to return home. Of course Koky was careless at school, he did not do his homework and sometimes failed to pass his final exams (beygeeb mala7e2), so he had to study during the summer vacation in order to take the exams once more. Sometimes the mother asked me to give Kooky some help with his studies, in order to get prepared for the second exams. Kooky used to come to my plcae with his books and I started to explain some English and Mathematics for him. I have to admit that the kid almost knew nothing about the lessons I started to explain, as if he did not go to school for the whole year. I wanted to help the kid and thought that if I gave him some help he might show any progress. After each visit, I gave Kooky some homework and told him I will review the homework next time.

One day kooky's mother called my mom to thank her for helping Kooky with his lessons and she told her and the call went as follows:

Kooky's mom: Kooky beye3mel wageb el Math (Kooky is doing his Math homework now)
My mom: tayeb kowayess, wel masa2el sahla 3aleih we 3aref ye7elaha?(And how is it going?)
kooky's mom: aho masek el calculator we 3amal ye7seb (He is using the calculator to solve them)

After the call with Kooky's mother, my mom told me that the kid used the calculator to do his homework which really surprised me. How could a mother do this? How could she allow a 10 yeras old kid to use the calculator to solve his math homework? Didn't she realize that she was following a wrong strategy with him so that he failed his exams? Didn't she learn the lesson? Did she eralize that she was spoiling the kid? I kept asking myself such questions and found no answer to any of them.I really can't remeber what happened next; if I blamed Kooky for using the calculator or what. All I can remember that Kooky stopped visting my place shortly after that.

Years passed and Kooky showed kept struggling with his lessons, in high school he did not get good grades so he was not able to go to college and he ended up working in a factory that belongs to his uncle.

A few days ago I heard the following conversation between Kooky's mother and Moody, Kooky's younger brother at 1 AM:

Mom (standing in the balcony): Moooodyyyyyyyyyy
Moody: aywa ya mama (yes mom)
Mom: 2etla3a ba2a el sa3a (come back home its late)
Moody: bla bla bla (asking her to stay with his friends for a while)
Mom: ba2olk 2etla3 (I said come back home)

"Oh my God, not again", this is all I could say. It seems that the woman is repeating the same story all over again. This woman's attitude made me ask myself this question:

If having an abortion is considered a sin in many religions and is forbidden by many countries, what about having children ,not bringing them up properly and spoiling them so that they become murderers, drug dealres, rapists or simlpy losers that don't do any good to anyone?

The Others.....Two Incidents

A few weeks ago the following conversation took place between my friend, who had been to USA for a short while, and me:

X: When I was in USA everybody kept asking me "Do you have kids?"
Me: And what did you answer them?
X: I just answered "No, I'm not married yet"
Me: According to their culture, marriage has nothing to do with having kids.
X: 2e7na ma3andenash el kalam da (our culture is different).
Me: yes I know, but your answer did not make sense to anyone who asked u this question.
X: ana 2olt ely shofto sa7 we 7'alas (I just said what I thought is right).

This short conversation made me think for a while why we don't accept the others' cultures, beliefs and opinions if they are differnt from what we think is right. If I were in X's shoes I would give a simple "No" as an answer. Someone asked me a simple question and I should give a simple and relevant answer. It's not a debate about different cultures where I need to point out that WE are better than YOU because we have our customs and traditions that forbid having children outside marriage.

These thoughts revisited me after watching some random episodes from the Egyptian soap opera "Nostalgia- 7anan we 7aneen". I did not like the show anyway, but what really drew my attention is the idea of comparison between the American and Egyptian societies. The first few episodes started in USA where an Egyptian family of a man, his wife, his daughter and his brother in law moved to the USA twenty years ago. Througout these few episodes, the show makers did everything they could to show how terrible the American society is; how people only care about money and don't care about their families. It's been shown that it was not safe to have walk in the streets as the daughter and her friend were attacked by two guys who tried to rape them and they were saved by the cops who arrived in the last moment. The idea that life in the USA is terrible was summed up when the mother died when a bomb exploded in her restaurant (this happened shortly after she had given up her Egyptian nationality!!!!!!!).

After this accident the father takes his daughter and returns back to Egypt where life is totally different; people are so loving, nice and welcoming that their neighbours brought them "saneyet basboosa" (oriental desert) as a nice gesture on their arrival. All the following episodes kept exploring the fact that life in Egypt is much more safe, nice and full of deep meanings.

I am totally against the concept of generalization; that all other foriegn socities are bad and that our society is the best ever. I also think that this show is not real, for example these days if I moved to a new building, none of the neighbours will bring me a desert and to be honest if we got some new neighbours my mom will not bring them a desert. Many people say it is a romantic show which brings back some nice feelings and I say it is a fake show, anything that does not reflect reality , unless labeled "fiction", is fake for me.

I guess what really our TV shows should address is how to respect the others, how to accept them and how to learn from them what makes them succeed and excel instead of wasting our time crticizing the others and bragging that we are the best ever.

The Five People You Meet in Heaven – Mitch Albom

I have recently read this book and it really touched me. It’s a novel about earth and heaven, life and death which tells us that death is not the end of everything and that what happens on earth is just the beginning. It’s a fiction novel that explores the idea that heaven is not a place; it’s an answer.

The Five People You Meet in Heaven describes what happens to Eddie after he died on his 83rd birthday. Eddie awakens in the afterlife where he learns that he will meet five people; beloved ones or total strangers who had an effect on his past life. Everyone who met Eddie in heaven teaches him a certain lesson. Each lesson gives him some answers to the questions he kept asking himself forever. The truth is finally revealed to him and he is able to make connections, build conclusions that enabled him to understand the meaning of his life on earth. After Eddie meets the five people he was supposed to meet in heaven, he no longer feels the anger, sadness and confusion that he once felt and his is soul is finally floats freely in heaven.

I am quoting some lines from each of the five lessons that Eddie learned in heaven:

There are no random acts. That we are all connected. That you can no more separate a life from another than you can separate a breeze from the wind.

Sometimes when you sacrifice something precious, you’re not really losing it. You’re passing it to someone else.

Holding anger is a poison. It eats you from inside. We think that hating is a weapon that attacks the person who harmed us. But hatred is a curved blade. And the harm we do, we do to ourselves.

Lost love is still love, Eddie. It takes a different form, that’s all. You can’t see their smile or bring them food or tousle their hair or move them around a dance floor. But when those senses weaken, another heightens. Memory. Memory becomes your partner. You nurture it. You hold it. You dance with it.

He was nothing now, a leaf in the water, and she pulled him gently, through shadow and light, through shades of blue and ivory and lemon and black, and he realized all these colors, all along, were the emotions of his life.

And I thought I did not care anymore

Losing friends is one of my worst experiences, specially when there is no specific reason for losing them. Four years ago I lost N, a close friend of mine from school. N and I had been friends (or shall I say sisters) for almost nine years. After school I did not meet N regularly but we kept in touch through the phone.

One day our school arranged a reunion party and I was so excited, I called N and told her I would go to the party and asked her if she was coming. N replied that she was not going to the party and when I asked her why she wouldn't come she said she did not feel like going to this party. I kept telling her that I had not seen her for a while and I thought the party would be a good chance to see her and gather with our old friends but she told me she would think about it.

In the party I kept waiting for N to show up but she never did. I tried to find an explanation for that but I could not, a few days after the party I decided to call N and tell her that the party was nice and I wished she had come. N apologized coldly for not showing up so I jokingly told her that everyone was there except for the SILLY ones. And that was the last time I hear anything from N. Ever since then she never answered my calls and whenever I called her at home I was told that she was not there and she never called me back.

I kept searching for an answer or an explanation to N's behavior, but I could not. I thought that she might have changed her beliefs, her lifestyle and thought that our friendship did not suit her anymore and I respected her wish. N never talked to me or any of our friends from school, she simply dropped us all from her life. Four years have passed and nobody knew anything about N. I try hardly not to think about her again but whenever I remeber anything from school N pops up on my mind and my eyes are filled with tears.

Three weeks ago, some girls from school who found each other on Facebook arranged a reunion outing. A friend of mine sent me an sms telling me about the outing and asked me if I would come, I told her I would not be in Cairo and apologized for not coming. I really wished I could make it to the outing as I wanted to meet the girls so badly. When I came back I asked my friend about the outing and she told me they had much fun and she wished I could make it, she also told me to check the photos on Facebook.

When I checked the photos I was surprised to find N with the girls. How did she know about the outing? What made her join this reunion? Did she know I was invited? Or did she join because she knew I would not be there? Did she ask them about me? Does this mean that she wants to be friends with us again? I kept asking myself these questions but could not find answers to any of them.

A week later I was again surprised when I found the "N has added you as a friend on Facebook" email in my inbox. What the heck does this mean? Does N want to be friends with me again? Is it that simple to go in and out of my life without explanations as if it were a public park? Does she regret cutting me out her life for no reason? I really don't know. Till now I can't confirm N as a friend on Facebook. I guess it requires more than a Facebook invitation to forgive N. I am not even sure that I am able to forgive her and resume our friendship after all these years.

It really annoys me when

... I visit a friend's/ realtive's house and find that everybody drinks water directly from the bottle, I just get the feeling that I am trapped in the desert where thirst is not an option till I return home.

... an old friend of my dad's or one of my uncles call me "Wezza" (an old nickname of mine which means goose) in public.

... I open our refrigerator to find that all the water bottles are half-filled or quarter-filled, as if we were a stupid family that is cooling air instead of water.

... a male friend/colleague tells a dirty joke to another male friend/colleague in my presence and then looks at me and smiles in a stupid way and tells me"Of course you didn't understand a word". If you are a guy and think it is not appropriate to tell a dirty joke infront of ladies then don't, instead of telling them and assuming that the ladies will not understand.

... a friend of mine sits beside me and starts checking me out and then she starts telling me "You have a broken nail", "You've got a tan", "Don't you think your top is a bit revealing?", "You're applying too much eyeshadow". I feel I am bombarded with negative comments, I really don't mind when my friends tell me their comments but I guess one or two at a time is enough.

... someone smiles at me and I can see orange marks on their teeth and they have no problem with that at all. I feel I want to get them toothpaste and a toothbrush and ask them to brush their teeth before they ever think of smiling to me again.

... a girlfriend/ relative/ neighbour meets me, says hi and kisses me then she starts talking about her terrible flu and how she stayed in bed for the past couple of days. Why the heck do people insist on kissing each other while they are having a flu or any contagious disease?

... someone asks me a question to which the answer is my, my sister's, or a close friend's salary. I never ask people about their salaries and expect them not to ask me about mine, and if anyone does I never give a straight answer.

... someone carelessly damages anything that belongs to me and when I blame them for doing so, they look astonished and tell me its a cheap stuff and they can buy me another one instead. I really don't think that people should waste their money buying the same thing twice or thrice beacuse they can't use them carefully.

... I am writing something and someone sneaks up on me to check what I am writing, I do consider this an invasion of my personal space. If you are curious about my writing just ask me what I am writing and if I want to share it with you, I will.

The theory of change....Part One

"Look at you, you've never changed, still the same as ever", that's what my friends from school tell me whenever we gather. I really feel confused when they tell me such a comment. I am not sure if this is considered a compliment so I should reply "Thanks a lot, you too haven't changed", or this is something bad and I should feel offended. Most of the time I just smile in response, without saying a single word.

I then started to think if it is possible that I did not change a bit for the past ten years. I don't think this is true, just finishing High School, going to college and starting a career is considered a change for me. These transitions in my occupation were certainly accompanied by changes in my looks, personality and beliefs. It is definitley impossible that for ten years I meet new people, learn new things and have lots of different experiences and still act like the teenager my friends used to know.

Despite what my friends believe, I am sure deep inside me that I can't be "the same as ever". I have been through lots of experiences that I was never familiar with; I've experienced how failure tasted like and how to struggle and bounce back. I have also experienced how is it like acting on my own without any interference from my parents. I've also made so many friendships that added a lot to my knowledge, personal experience and to my life as a whole.

I realized that whenever I gather with my old friends we usually have the same old talks. We often talk about fashion, food, guys, love and of course tons of memories. We also tell all sorts of jokes but none of us talk about our work, colleagues or anything about our current lives. I realized that when we reunion, we enjoy the fact that we are together again. We love remembering the old days a lot.

I think gathering with old friends is like taking a ride on the time machine where we move backward to a point of time that we all enjoyed. Then we all talk, laugh and act as if we were still this old gang and as if nothing has ever changed. I guess this is what makes my friends think that I am "the same as ever". I then tried to figure out what I think of my old friends, and to my surprise I realized that I feel that they are all "the same as ever" too!!!

Resumes

I have been sent a lot of resumes lately as I need to add two more people to my team. I need to review and screen these resumes and pick a few of them to arrange interviews with the people I think can fit in the team. I have seen a lot of strange things while reviewing these resumes, the following are the most stupid things one can write on a resume:

A software engineer wrote a description of a software called "Student City" that she worked on as follows:
Student City:It’s a software that manage the love of strangers girls who loves in student city.

Once I read that I could not stop laughing for almost five minutes, what the heck is she talking about? Most probably she wrote 'live' instead of 'love' (which also does not make sense) and then used a spell check or something. The result was really hilarious.

The second girl, who's also a software engineer wrote the following:
Name: XXXXXX
Address: XXXXX
Tel: XXXXX
Parents: Good united family condition. (Working).

As far as I know, no information about parents is required on a resume, so what was that girl thinking when she wrote this nonsense about her parents?

It is really pathetic to find these fatal mistakes on resumes written by universty graduates specially softwate engineers. A software engineer is supposed to be familiar with the internet, have good research skills. So I think when a software engineer wants to write a resume, he/she should google and find a templeate or guidlines or anything that helps with writing a resume instead of writing such crap on resumes.

I really love this car

Whenever I see one of these BMW 116i cars in the street I can't look away. I tried to calculate this car's price in terms of my salary and found out the following:

BMW 116i = My current Fiat Uno + all my savings of the last couple of years + my salary for the next three years

The above equation is only valid under the following assumptions:

1. The car's price remains the same for the next three years

2. I only spend 250 pounds a month

Is driving a BMW worth all this?!!!!!!!!

Like Father, Like Son........two incidents

Last Saturday while SH and me were about to leave R's Henna party (bachelorette party), SH asked me to carry her almost-two-years-son M while she went to the bathroom. M is a very nice kid who is familiar with me as I visit his home quite often and usually spend some time playing with him. While I was carrying M, R's sister (Who thought that M was my son) was smiled to me and said "Masha2allah, shabahek 7'ales" (cute baby, he looks exactly like you). I don't know what made her think M was my son, maybe because M was not crying and was acting as if he were carried by his own mum, or maybe the way I was talking to him or looking at him had a mother-like tenderness. What really astonished me wasn't the girl's comment, it was my reaction; I just smiled back to her and did not tell her he was a friend's son and not my own. After I went home I kept thinking for a while and asked myself why I did not tell the girl the truth, maybe I did not want to embarrass her, or maybe I liked the idea of being a mother even if it was not true....I really don't know.


The following day while daddy was holding the cup of tea I made him the following conversation took place between my dad, my sister and me:

Daddy: why do you usually fill the cups till the very top, I can't hold the cup properly.
Me: I guess it's one of my bad habbits dad, I can't drink from a cup that is not filled till the very top.
My sister: Why, do you get the feeling that somebody took a sip from your cup?
Me (smiling): I don't know, it's one of my many bad habbits. You know something...I can't write with a pen with a missing cap, I think this is another bad habbit of mine.
Daddy: I guess this is a bad habbit of mine as well.
Me: that explains everything, I can't be blamed for such a habbit then, it was genetically inherited.

I just said so to bug my dad, but then I thought if it was possible that such simple habbits were genetically inherited. I tried to remember if I've ever heard my dad complain about a pen with a missing cap, but I had no past incidents on mind. I have to admit that I have genetically inherited a lot fom my dad; his look, his way of talking, his sensitive feelings, his sense of humor and of course his bad teeth. But I've never imagined that I would ever inherit such a small detail from my dad.

The shoes with purple bow.....an old story revisited

A couple of weeks ago the following conversation took place between me and my friend S.

S: Do you know that S1 bought N a flip flop for 150 pounds?
Me: I think 150 pounds is too much to spend on a flip flop for a five years old girl.
S: Yes I agree with you, but it seems S1 is spoiling her girl.

This short conversation brought to my mind an old story that I'll never forget as long as I live. Years ago when I was thirteen years old, it was Christmas time and I went shopping with my mum to buy a pair of shoes. We kept moving from one shop to another but nothing attarcted me. Then we stood infront one of the windows where I found my dream shoes, it was an elegant black shoes with purple bow and I thought it would perfectly match the black skirt with purple flowers I was going to wear on Christmas. My mother looked at the price label and told me it was not worth its price and that she would not spend this amount of money on a pair of shoes, she even did not let me go inside the shop and try them on. I was totally convinced that the shoes with purple bow was all I wanted for Christmas. All the way home I kept arguing with my mum asking her to buy these shoes for me and told her I'll not buy any shoes till they wear out. My mum was never convinced so I told her that I would tell daddy the whole story when we got home and see what he would say. Daddy's opinion was the same as mum's, he told me they were not going to buy these shoes for me beacuse they think these shoes were not worth the labeled price. I finally gave up and bought another shoes that I did not like but matched my Christmas outfits.

After the Christmas vacation was over, I went back to school where I found one of my class-mates wearing the expensive black shoes with purple bow. I felt terrible that day, I thought that it was totally unfair of my mum to refuse to buy me the shoes I liked while this girl's mother bought her this expensive pair of shoes and allowed her to wear it to school. I guess I need to mention some information about this girl H. H was the daughter of a man who owned one of those companies that claimed to invest people's money and give them a high interest rate (tawzeef amwal). H's father turned out to be a smuggler and died in prison shortly after he was sentenced. The money was previously transferred to forigen banks and was never returned to the poor people.

I went home back from school and told my mum about H wearing my dream shoes to school and telling her I thought it was unfair of her to refuse buying these shoes for me. She did not get mad at me or anything, istead she told me that there was a big difference between me and H; H's father made his fortune by stealing money from poor people's pockets while my dad worked hard to earn his money and that it was our duty not to waste this money on anything unless we are sure it was worth what we paid.

I guess this was one of my earliest how-to-wisely-spend-your-money lessons. I owe my parents a lot for such precious lessons. They taught me not to buy anything just because I liked it, they also taught how to compare prices and how to make the best bargains. They simply taught me the value of money earned by hard work. I owe them a lot for choosing not to spoil me and preferring to be thought of as the "unfair guys who denied me my dream shoes" instead.

The Black Box and the Female Spider

I guess I'm one of those who enjoy making up and using their special terms . I keep using my special codes in front of my close friends who tell me I'm pretty good at it. For example, when I ask one of my girlfriends to "watch my back" this does not mean that I want her to protect my back beacuse I'm afraid of being shot. I just want her to know that I'll be leaning forward to pick something from the ground and I am asking her to alert me if my back is showing. I sometimes think its funny that friends use their special codes and definitions that nobody else knows.

One of the latest terms I made up is "Black Box". Wikipedia defines a Black Box as follows:

Black Box is a technical term for a device or system or object when it is viewed primarily in terms of its input and output characteristics.

Thus the definition above states that a Black Box is a system whose internal structure is uknown, and whose inputs and outputs are the only concern. Knowing what a black box is from a scientific prespective, I recently started to use the term to refer to a certain type of guys. A Black Box is a guy who plans to get married and who actually does not have a special girl to propose to so he simply asks his parents, siblings, friends, co-workers, relatives and even neighbors to search for a suitable girl for him. Everyone who knows the guy start the searching process in order to set this guy up with a girl. The girl is usually told some information about the guy; his job, how much money he makes a month, his appartment, his car and of course his readiness to get married ASAP. In most cases nothing is mentioned about the guy's personality, nature, .....nothing at all. Similar information about the girl is told to the guy and a meeting is arranged.

Some girls don't like this old fashioned way and think it worked fine with their parents two or three decades ago but it is not good enough for them. Some girls think its okay to meet guys this way and have no problem to get engaged a few months after their first date. Well, I can't say I'm totally against this Black Box thing, if a girl wants to meet guys this way that's fine. What I don't agree with is the way girls behave after the first two or three dates with the Black Box. Many girls make the mistake of believing they have finally met their prince charming. They simply close their eyes and ignore everything they might dislike about the guy. Finally the girl marries the Balck Box and shortly after the honeymoon is over problems start and the number of unhappy marriages increases by one.

Another term I've been lately using is the "Female Spider". A female spider usually kills the male after mating as the male is of no further use to the female. That's the reason I use this term to refer to girls who want to marry a guy just for the sake of being a wife and having kids. My sister has just told me about one of her friends who I call a typical Female Spider. This girl was engaged to one of her friends for a year and a half now and they are getting married in a few months. Immediately after their engagement the girl started to bad-mouth her fiance. She started telling everyone including their common friends that his character was weak, he was sort of a shaken person and that this engagement thing happened so suddenly that she was not sure of her feelings towards the guy (she has known him for five years before they got engaged!!!!!!!). I really felt sorry for the guy after hearing this, its totally unethical of the girl to do this to her fiance. Nobody is perfect and if she can't accept her fiance the way he is I think she should break up this engagement. What this girl does not know that mutual respect is a key issue to a successful relationship and talking badly about fiance is an obvious proof to her disrespect to the guy. I guess she simply does not care to have a healthy relationship with her fiance, all what she cares about is getting married and having kids. Actually she is acting as a typical egyptian girl who think she is an uncomplete person till she gets married.

An odd situation

Last week was a very eventful week at work. It was the last week of June and my team showed a noticeably good performance after a three-months turnover period. Being the lead of this team, I was very satisfied with my team's progress. I have been frustrated for the last three months and this was the first time I taste satisfaction since I got the team lead position.

This feeling of content was strong enough for me to last for weeks but unfortunately this was not meant to be. The following days brought three events that disturbed my peace of mind and put me in one of those bitter situations where I have to make difficult decisions and choices.

First event: I have a girl in my team who has not been showing self discipline and respect for the last few months. She had personal problems and used to disappear for days without calling me or the HR admin. She simply did not show up when she was having an argument with her husband or facing any personal problem, and when she finally comes to work she acts as if nothing happened. She never apologized to me for vanishing for a week, and never tried to explain the reason for her unexcused and unannounced absence. I have complained to my supervisors about this girl's attitude and made it clear for everyone including the girl that her irresponsible behaviour is totally unaccepted. The company CEO arrived from USA last week and one of his visit's goals was to put and end to this girl's behavior. He met with me the first day he arrived and told me that he was done with this girl and that he would fire her. He also told me that I will be having a salary raise starting July and assured me that I will be very happy with this raise. Although he did not tell me how much the arise is, I felt relieved after this conversation. I got the feeling that I was doing a great job and that the CEO is appreciating this. Two days later, he asked me if this girl has come today or not, I told him that she hasn't come yet. He then asked me if she would come today and I said I had no idea (this was the case with this girl for three months, everyday I wondered if she would come today or not, she sometimes came at 11:30 am, 1:30 pm, sent an sms to one of her mates informing them that she will not come for a couple of days or simply did not show up at all. Everybody in the company knew I was fed up with this girl and expected that she would be fired soon). The CEO asked me to call her to see if she would come that day or not, I called her and she said she was on the way. Thirty minutes after her arrival, the CEO came to our room and said he wanted to meet with the girl and me. He started the meeting by asking her to evaluate her performance as an employee for the last three months and she replied that she had been a bad employee. The CEO then told her that he would let her go for this reason. She did not seem to be surprised but she started to tell the CEO that she was having problems with her husband, she almost got divorced and that her husband wanted her to leave her job but she refused......etc. She asked the CEO to give her another chance and promised that she would have more self discipline but the CEO refused. She kept arguing and arguing and told the CEO that if she lost her job her husband won't let her search for another and that she liked and needed her job. Nothing she said made the CEO change his mind and he insisted on firing her. He told her that she did not respect her supervisor and that HE STOOD FOR HIS SUPERVISORS. Knowing that this girl's disrespect for me was the one of the reasons for firing her, I felt a bit guilty. Although I was sure that this was the right thing to do, part of me felt sorry for the girl. This whole bitter situation was very hard for me, seeing this girl in trouble without being able to help her really annoyed me. I've warned her before and she promised she will change her attitude but she never did. I could have asked the CEO to give her another chance, but I was sure that this would never work. The girl finally gave up arguing and the meeting was over. She went to our room, collected the few personal things she had on her desk, told me goodbye and left. She did not even say goodbye to the rest of the team in the next room. I will always remeber this moment as one of the worst moments in my life. It was hard for me to see someone broken like that and although she was the only one to blame for this, I could not stop blaming myself for not giving her another chance. I guess this was one of the few times where I could do something to save someone a trouble but I decided not to.

Second event: a few hours after the girl was fired, I got a call from the recruitment coordinator of one of the biggest software houses in Egypt, telling me that I have applied for a certain vacancy and wanted to make sure I was still interested in this vacancy. I hate being required to give an instant answer over the phone, I was confused and was not sure what to say. I did not want to say I was not interested and then regret it afterwards, so I just said I was still interested. The lady then told me that she would send me an assignment and I have to complete this assignment and send it back to her in a week. I guess I have to mention how and why I applied to this vacancy. A couple of weeks before I got this call, I was really frustrated from my current job, the team's performance, their attitude really pissed me off. I was also wondering if that was the type of work I really want to do right now. My best friend S, who knows everything about my current job situation told me about this vacancy and asked me to send her my resume which she later sent to someone she knew who worked at this well known company. I thought for a while whether I should work on the assignment or not. The vacancy sounds interesting; a good position that requires travelling abroad, large company famous for a friendly environment was so tempting for me. I finally decided to work on the assignment. Last week I did nothing but this assignment; everyday I returned from work, had a quick lunch and started working. I was happy with the assignment because it reminded me of the time when I was still a student and had to finish lots of things in a short time. In spite of this happiness I felt a bit guilty, I had the feeling that I'm betraying my company and the CEO who just given me a raise and said that he stood for his supervisors. I had the feeling that I was dating two guys at the same time. I kept thinking how I would tell him that I got another offer and will leave his company after all what he did for me. I really had a bad time feeling guilty and after thinking for while I decided wait and see if I'll get a reply from the other company. Maybe I won't hear anything back from them and save myself this struggle. Again I hoped that I would keep this state of peace of mind till I hear back from the other company but it turned out that I was mistaken.


Third event: A member of my team informed me that she got another offer which she accepted and that she signed a contract. She told me that she will be leaving in three weeks. WOW, I've been in this closed circle for almost four months. Someone informs that she (yes its a girls-only team) is leaving, I start filtering resumes, conduct interviews, select one or two, start training, reassign projects and when I start to believe that my team is becoming stable it all starts over again. What annoyed me the most was the HR Admin. reaction when she knew that this girl is leaving. She started telling me that she was disappointed in this girl because she did not give us a heads up instead of just informing us after she had already signed a contract. What the HR Admin said really made me feel a bit guilty. I just got the feeling that working on that assignment was sort of being disloyal to my company. I felt that every word she said about this girl was meant to be said about me.


Did I make the right decision about not supporting the careless girl and sparing her the trouble of being fired? Did I make the right decision by working on this assignment? I will keep asking myself these questions.

An old writing of mine

I wrote this on the 8th of December, 2001.

Why do we often have to say goodbye
To those who are deep inside our hearts
Why don't we just spend our lifetimes together
Without saying a single goodbye

Why do we often start searching for someone else
Who can give us the same love and care
Why do we accept replacing our beloved
By those who are less dear to our hearts

Why do we give up easily
When lonliness attacks our peace
Why do we sometimes have to hide our feelings
For fear of being misunderstood

Why do we sometimes have tender feelings
For those who would never appreciate them
Why do we sometimes find a big conflict
Between how we feel and how we should feel

Why do we sometimes choose the road
That can never lead to our happiness
For the sake of those who would never realize
We simply did that just to please them